Thinking Man's Pornography

An Overly Wordy Introduction:

Itís always been a dream of mine, and I assume every other community minded person, to provide for the wild animals lusts of our fellow men. Not personally of course, but rather to be the medium through which gratification was obtained; to be, in short, either a pimp or a pornographer. Pimps are obviously superior, as they provide an actual gratification, as opposed to pornographers who merely provide the means for one to gratify ones-self, however, thereís a lot more risk in being a pimp. With pimps itís all about beating up guys who beat up your girls, making sure everyone pays, making sure your girls are taken care off. Thereís a lot more payoff in being a pimp, and also a lot more taking care of business. Itíd be worth it though, because youíd get to see the one thing a pornographer never can: the satisfied smiles of your grateful clients. Maybe Iíll be a pimp some other day, but today I have a website, and today Iím going to try and be a pornographer.

I have a problem with most of the porn on the internet Iím afraid to say. The kind of porn that is thrust in your face by way of violently flashing banner ads whenever you want to do something comparatively innocent, like download a crack for the latest video game. I donít want to see other menís penises, and I donít really like the sight of the human vagina, spread wide open, and glistening with fluid only barley distinguishable from mucus. Frankly, it reminds me too much of an open wound. I donít find women lapping at the torrent of semen being sprayed on their faces to be attractive. Breasts I like. Perhaps a little bit of muff on a firm, supple body. Itís the fantasy I crave. I want my porn to be dignified, and only subtly demeaning. I want to take it away from the animal elements it has today, which are included to satisfy the troglodytes who buy it now, and create something that works on a higher plain. I want to create pornography for men with a university degree. I want to create a thinking manís pornography.

But how to go about it? How to create pornography that titillates as it challenges? That has themes and messages and encourages a second viewing to establish an interpretation, even after the initial ejaculation is long over, and the keyboard has been wiped off. I want people to walk away from my cinema and say ďI feel good. My loins are tingling, my heart is beating fast, and I have a new perspective on sub-space field harmonics.Ē

That is what this section of the site contains. I donít think that I will ever true thinking manís pornography, for the simple reason that while there are many men who think more than me, and many men who thing less, there are very few who think exactly the same amount: whose fetishes and ideas coincide with my own. The futility of a cause, however, is no excuse for a lack of effort. I hope you enjoy my journey toward this particular holy grail, and that you are, at least for a few seconds, titillated and challenged. I encourage third parties to submit their own attempts by contacting me at zeedaretertz@zeedarterez.com.

 

The Flesh In Question:

I'd try and finish up before the two minute mark if I were you.

Never Say Eva A. Green

Added: 13 December 2006
Length: 2:34

When I watched the new Casino Royale film, two thoughts kept repeating themselves in my mind. The first thing that troubled me was the lack of resemblance to the original. It's like they didn't even watch it! Where was Doctor Noah? Where were all the different people named James Bond? How come Bond didn't become M in this one? Why didn't Le Chiffre do any magic tricks?

All that didn't really matter to me though, once the second thought hit; "Damn, Eva Green is a fox."

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Sophie Monk masturbates with power tools!

Downtown

Added: 5 June 2006
Length: 3:06

Sophie Monk is an Australian performer of sorts. She rode her way into celebrity very early on on the reality TV wave, and has managed to maintain something of that celebrity via a series of steamy shoots of FHM. Now, it appears, she's trying to break into Hollywood with some kind of a steamy roll in Date Movie. I didn't see the film myself (and I assume most thinking men didn't either), so I've presented an extended, edited montage for your pleasuring pleasure. She wears a skimpy bikini while eating, washing a car and masturbating with a jack-hammer.

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Britney Spears - nothing but the money shots!

Do You Realize?

Added: 9 September 2005
Length: 3:35

The idea behind this clip was to take the epitome of lowest common denominator - the girl who practically invented (or at least reinvented) bubble gum pop - and have her dancing in her underwear to thinking man's music. Depressing music with ideas. The result, in my opinion is virtually unwatchable. I had to make a lot of artistic choices when cutting this video. I had more than enough footage of Britney in obscenely tight pants and bikini tops to fill out say, In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida, but I shied away from it in favour of her in a bra and panties (basically because I donít believe anyone can masturbate for fifteen minutes). As a result it cuts every half second or so. This, coupled with the music, is enough to make any man kill himself.

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Jessica Simpson washes a car with her tits!

The Latest Jessica Simpson Video with all of the Crap Cut Out

Added: 3 September 2005
Length: 1:25

Featuring Jessica Simpson washing a car with her breasts to the dulcet sounds of 70's pop disco. This clip is really in no way Thinking Man's pornography, it is simply something I felt I had to do so that the ghost of Nancy Sinatra might sleep a little easier.

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Close up shots of Mia Sara's breast implants!

Fuck Me Ferris

Added: 9 June 2005
Length: 6:52

This "deleted scene" from the Thinking Man's classic, Ferris Bueller's Day Off (the logic there being that only thinking men reminisce fondly of the 1980s) features the prolonged nudity of Ferris' girlfriend, Sloane Peterson (played by Mia Sara). Also includes the partial nudity of Jean-Claude Van Damme and Billy Zane!

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