Wednesday, March 26, 2003. 8:30PM.
Been a long time since the last log. Long time indeed.
Let me see, last week was a while ago. I can't really remember it. I think I logged on the 14th, which would make St. Patrick's day on the 17th, so I guess I'll cover it in this. Oh, wait, that would mean two weekends ago is covered too. I'll tell that first.
No much to tell, really. I went to a guy who's house I have never been to before to watch movies. Arriving in his street, I spent almost an hour trying to figure out where his house was (I knocked on several doors, but fortunately, no one was home. I contemplated some burglary). Eventually, I called 013 (or 12456 as it seems to now be, but I was calling from a payphone where it's a different number again), found out his number, and got him to walk into the street. Turns out his place was up the other end, and the street's numbers were non-sequential What the fuck kind of street has non-sequential numbers? Anyway, turns out I was several hours early, so we played X box until another of my good buddies arrived. He seems to be Internet deprived, and went straight into the other room and went on www.theonion.com (I assume you all know about The Onion. If not you might want to check it out). After a while, we managed to coax him out and watch a few snippets of films, before finally testing the power of the X-Box and watching The Two Towers in 32x speed. Took about six minutes. Actually a lot of fun.
St. Patrick's day me and some buddies went to an Irish pub, and I drank a little beer (enough to confuse my sense of direction and lengthen my walk home). Ate some excellent hot dogs. I have grown a beard the last month or so those who haven't seen me, and upon entry, the bouncer asked for every ID but mine. Beard power. If only I could have grown you when I was fifteen.
Then there was a week, and some uni (I got an access card to a lab - no more waiting in line for me!), and no doubt some other stuff I can't remember. Oh wait... war broke out! Yeah! I remember that. That was an insane few days, what with the constant TV coverage on every channel. Regardless of your views on the war, you have to admit, it does make the news a whole lot more exciting - being able to turn it on any time you like and just see bad ass military equipment and explosions. In those first few days when they were all streaming CNN (I think 7 had the BBC) it made pretty good television, because they'd be going live to air with any small rumor as soon as it broke, and crossing all the time to guys on tanks shouting incoherently into their video phones. Something ridiculous would be said, and then they'd tramp through a whole bunch of guys to give their views (for a while on Friday there was a rumor that Saddam had been picked off by a CIA gunman, and they had the ex-director of the CIA saying he'd been given two hundred million to assassinate Saddam and it looked like they had, and I was all like "no way", and after a while, they were like "oh, sorry, no - but maybe a cruise missile got him..." and so on). Just yesterday I hear they have military dolphins! Military dolphins who can defuse mines! Defuse mines, drive aquatic tanks, and operate sea bound artillery! Defuse mines, drive aquatic tanks, operate sea bound artillery, and shoot sonic waves at the giant squid the Iraqi's have trained to ensnare and sink aircraft carriers by beating them against the sea bed till they snap in half! Ah, first art echoes life (September 11, 2001), now life echoes art, someone should seriously go talk to Westwood studios. Enough war.
This week I went to a party, where there were very few people, so we drank a little, and played mind games. They were really quite annoying. All those sort of dumb little puzzle things you buy in the National Geographic shop. After a while me and a young lady played Jenga (I don't think I ever have before, maybe once in primary school, but years of television advertising have taught me the rules (not that there really are many rules)). After a while, I got the hang of it, and managed to do it like quite a pro (whip the piece out, straight on top, as compared to the opposition's several minutes of agonizing and tower shaking). Eventually, I won (the tower collapsed sideways, negating one important aspect of the game - hurting your opponent). I realized that Jenga really is a very hollow victory. I seemed to win not because of my extreme skill, but rather my opposition's clumsiness. Had I just sunk the black ball in pool, for example, I would have done a little dance - maybe a pelvic thrust or two, but as it was the limelight was entirely taken by her hitting her friend for distracting her and general frustration at having been defeated.
Later we drank a little (not very much, but I think maybe I have a thing with champagne, as every time I drink it the effect is far out of proportion to what it should be), and played Taboo, which is this game you have to play where you get your friend to say a word without using a bunch of predefined words. We had lost some number by then, and it was just three guys and one femme. I was partnered with another guy, which was all right for me. We won, basically because the game is nigh impossible unless your partner is someone of a fairly similar mindset (for example, I had to say "hamster", to which I gave the clue "If you're gay you put one of these up your arse". He got it instantly, but the girl was looking at me like "what the hell are you talking about?" Similar occurrences, where she wouldn't get things obvious to me occurred throughout the evening. Wow, I thought. Cross-section of society.
Monday. Oscar day. I didn't really watch them (a bit in the ad breaks of The Simpsons), but I did read the results on the Internet, and I would like to say the same thing I do every year. The Oscars are a crock.
Best Picture - Chicago. Have I seen it? No, but I'm sure it's not as good as Gangs of New York, and I know it can't be as good as Adaptation. Foobar. I think the fact that Gangs deserved every Oscar and got none is reflected in the general warness of the movie and war is topical thing in the last few months. Fucking academy. If I ever get an Oscar I'm going to look at it, weigh it in my hand, and say "wow, you could really beat Nicole Kidman to death with this thing."
Which takes me nicely to Best Actress. Nicole Kidman didn't deserve it. Fucking not. At least, however, she didn't rob anyone. I hate to sound misogynistic, but so often the best actress doesn't deserve an Oscar. Fucking Hale Berry my arse. I hate her so much, and largely from that damn speech. If they absolutely had to give it to a woman they should have given it to Meryl Streep (or even fucking Cameron Diaz - that would have been a laugh and a half). Better, however, would be if every year a woman didn't deserve it they give it to Dustin Hoffman for Tootsie. He'd so have like thirty Oscars on his oversized mantelpiece.
Best Actor was the guy from The Pianist. Not my personal choice, but I can pay it. What would have been the coolest would be Nicholas Cage winning both this and Best Supporting for himself and his brother in Adaptation.
Best Supporting Actor. Chris Cooper. Well, okay, Adaptation was badass, and he did play it pretty well, but he was up against Christopher Walken. Christopher Walken! They should have given it to Walken, firstly because he managed to put so much badass into such a non-badass role in Catch Me If You Can, which took talent. Secondly, because of his career (93 titles, and that's just as an actor!), and finally because of his speech! Can you imagine how ultimately cool that would have sounded? Oh my God, he would have killed everyone.
My final problem is Best Director. Not really a problem. I'm impressed they had the balls to give it to Polanski. That took a lot of balls (I would have like to see him on a boat on the edge of international waters and a hot woman just over the line toss him the Oscar with the coast guard watching to slap the cuffs on him if he drifted over). However, I maintain that Scorsese is the best director (top three bare minimum), and has been for the better part of 30 years. Shame the damn academy won't recognize it. It's probably Susan Sarrandon getting her revenge for that whole Eliah Kazan affair (in '99, I think). Still, if anyone had to rob him I'm glad it was the kiddy fiddler.
Finally, I've been fairly violent on the forums of late. Sorry kids. That time of the month. I'll get over it with a little good loving (and I got some plans for taking care of that, but too graphic for the Internet (paradox)).